hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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