My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The air taste purple.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
