I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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