If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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