He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
