I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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