my being single is dangerous.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
