Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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