So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
