please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
