She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They have beer where we have blood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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