i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
