I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize