dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
