my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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