I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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