Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
