my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
