Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
