just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
