I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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