I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
