i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
