Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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