In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
