i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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