I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
