I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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