So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
