I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
