All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just want to make out with him forever
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
