He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
