i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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