he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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