even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
