I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize