Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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