you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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