He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
