Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
