She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize