either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
