She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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