My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
