No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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