i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize