you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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