Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I forget how to act sober
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize