Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
