You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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