A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
