dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think I have vodka in my lungs
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
