as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
