he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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