If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
