Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
