I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
