If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
