before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
