Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
