it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
