I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
