A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
