I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize