i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
