Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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