i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
