I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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