I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize