My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
