I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
