You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
