The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
