Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
