Just fell off a train. Bad.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize