don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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