i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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