His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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