I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
